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Friday, 10 September 2010

  • Oh man. Not even a free timbit from Ms Goulas in homeroom and another one in Socials could cheer me up. My day 1 is such a pain!! So I walk into 203, and the only thing I can think about is "Omg where's Mr Yong?". STILL. I mean, you'd think my brain would have registered by now that my favourite teacher-friend-mentor hybrid is gone forever and he's never going to be my teacher again, but ugh. Part of me kind of enjoys thinking morbid thoughts similar to what I thought about a certain teacher last year, but about Ms Goulas? That's completely unwarranted, considering she's such a nice person and went out of her way (and became late for homeroom as a result) just to buy our class a treat! Part of me just wants to forget all about him, but at the same time, how could I? He was the one adult I trusted with everything, last year. Even now, just thinking about him, my eyes are tearing up. You'd think that he was my bff or something, but no...just another teacher. I've never felt like this about a teacher. Ever. It's so random and a bit sad that I'll want to cry at school from the absence of a teacher and not from the many other absences. Maybe it was because the latter CHOSE to leave. It seems different that way. I don't cry when I see that it's just Angela and me walking back to school, or that there's an empty spot where she used to sit. At some point, people make decisions, and I might not like them, but there's nothing I can ever do to change them, so I've stopped bothering to try. If someone chooses to leave, I can't begrudge them their decision, but neither can I quite find it in me to miss them and lose sleep as well as a good many tears over it. Too many people have left me. I can't afford to become depressed again just because of something like this.

    Is this how people in Burnett felt when I left? They didn't like it at all, but they just accepted it and chose not to cry over it because they felt that if I had really really wanted, I could have stayed? That would explain a lot. So while I was crying myself to sleep at night, they just forgot me. That would explain a lot. But it all works out in the end. I've accepted that I'm spending the next two years in the worst school in Richmond, and that I'm going to graduate here, be listed as a McRoberts graduate, have my face (ew) and name permanently planted on a wall. I doubt whether anyone from Burnett will even remember to get me tickets to the valedictory ceremony. Will they think to themselves, She left. Why do I need to take her up on a promise she probably didn't even mean? Probably. Is it time I moved on? Probably. Will I ever be able to do so? No. 
    Just like how I can barely stand to be around people who I've known ever since I was a little baby crawling around on a carpet. After all, they betrayed my trust. I can forgive them, especially for being the oblivious idiots they sometimes are, for never being able to see how much it hurt me when they mentioned their "best friends" that I was never a part of, for never being as perceptive as, ideally, they would be...
    But time goes on. I have new people to talk to, new people to maybe gain my trust. And some of them are going to leave, inevitably. And they're going to forget. But I never will.

     

Monday, 30 March 2009

  • The Artist

                    The ever-intrusive light seeps into the night, silently banishing all darkness. Above, an invisible artist unfurls a blank sheet, spreads it carefully onto a frame, and fastens it to the honey-coloured wood. With brows furrowed in intense concentration, he takes a broad brush from his table and sweeps the soft bristles across the canvas. Within moments, the sky of the emerging landscape appears a brilliant blue. Every conceivable shade erupts in the sky, from the lightest of cyans to a deep ocean blue. Lofty mountain peaks spring up in the distance, and as the artist brings his brush once again to the page, a hill takes shape; tall trees reach out their arms to touch the sky, violet forget-me-nots are strewn among the tall grass that dances with the wind. Robins twitter while an eagle soars overhead, a speck of black in its blue domain. A squirrel dashes hastily up a tree, chattering all the way. But as the artist reaches out to create a billowing cloud high above the horizon, his sleeve catches the mouth of a bottle. Crash! He watches the bottle careen and plunge toward the ground, where it shatters into infinitesimal pieces, spraying glass and black ink onto his smock, shoes, table, easel, and most horrifically of all, the painting.

                    Black soaks through the bottom half of the page; tendrils of ink creep outward and spread shadow over the carefully detailed wildflowers, darken the blades of grass, wither the trees, disperse the birds.

                    In a desperate attempt to salvage the painting, the artist brings his brush across the page once more. A crude reddish-brown building emerges, blotting out the hill and everything that calls it home. Windows are added, then doors. Shingles appear on the new roof, pitiful shrubs grow in flower baskets, wind chimes hang suspended in the still air. The remaining trees shed their leaves mournfully and the grass turns a muddy-brown as the building takes on more features. A truck rumbles by and sprays gravel on pedestrians unlucky enough to be waiting at the crowded bus stop. From a second-level apartment window screeches a novice flautist’s attempts at music.

                    As the artist examines the painting critically, his attention is drawn by one particular window. It’s lopsided, he thinks, then adds floral curtains to hide his mistake. A stray dot of paint is transformed into a film of condensation, a ring of snow clinging to the window. A young girl is placed just behind, asleep in her bed and oblivious to the world around her. Hair tickles her chin, and blankets dangle haphazardly off the bed, but still she sleeps, peacefully. Another stroke, and the corners of her mouth twitch upward into a small smile; her eyelids flutter. But still she sleeps, lost in a world where dreams are reality.

                    At last, the artist sits back, satisfied. And then he peers closer at the painting and imagines what life would be like if the girl was real. He pictures himself in her place, waking from a dream and gazing out the window to a changed world. He can hear the insistent droning of the water boiler, the raucous scolding of crows; he can feel the condensation beneath his fingers as he runs a hand over the icy glass. What might she see when she looked outside? Would she see just her apartment building, complete with all its yellowing trees and dying grass, or would she see past the spilled ink to the ocean reflected in the sky, to the twitter of the bluebirds, to the beauty that resided in the flowers now hidden by towering apartment buildings? Would she know only her world, or the world beyond; would she know he existed and that he was her creator?

                    Dawn breaks. A painting is hung up in the sky with a sense of finality. Down below, the ever-intrusive light seeps into the night, and a girl wakes from her slumber.

  • The Sound of Music

    The Sun escapes.

    The clock tower cries out, as

    Tears drip down its face.

    In a second-storey window,

     a lamp hisses,

    and the world veils itself in black.

    To mourn the music

    that exists no longer.

     

    I join the silent vigil,

    Waiting and hoping

    In vain.

    For the fluid melodies

    will never peal forth again;

    the meaningful lyrics have fled.

     

    As time passes,

    dictionaries become inaccurate.

    Music, the ‘art of sound’.

    What art?

    I hear none. Only

    vibrations

    that create earthquakes and

    screams

    that never end.

     

     I reach to turn on the radio, and

    am met with meaningless shrieks.

    A flip of the dial, and

    hatred pours out,

    an unrelenting river

    drowning the world

    in its roar.

    A final jerk –

    Silence.

     

    In a time I can barely remember,

    music was calm, soothing.

    Now, glass breaks from

    the sound of fevered drumming.

    Guitars blare and

    deafen innocent children.

    With each profanity, another man

    takes a knife to his throat.

    And the helpless wailing

    of a siren

    fills the air.

    A wife grieves;

    a boy falls to the sidewalk,

    chest heaving.

     

    Where is the music?

    Has it been squished underfoot,

    a lamed puppy without  any hope?

    Is it to be found in the world’s highest peaks,

    a hint of yellow metal,

    easily overlooked and forgotten?

    Or has it finally managed to escape

    this wretched world,

    never to be seen again?

    I could climb every mountain,

    search every glen and forest –

    I doubt I would find what I search for.

    The music has fled.

    Forever.

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  • Hey, Eternal Whispers here. Sadly my preferred username was taken *sniff* so I'll have to stick with this one. Basically, I'm on xanga so I can post my poems and other stuff - that's just about it. If you happen to read any of my posts, feel free to comment, but this is mainly for me more than anything else.

eternal__whispers

  • Visit eternal__whispers's Xanga Site
    • Name: Eternal
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 3/30/2009

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